Day 82 - our perfect plan

Today, as I was "talking" to my little brother (we're not blood related but we don't need to be) on msn, I realized that we haven't talked in ages or hung out just the two of us. I realized that in recent years, we've grown up without telling each other. I was really surprised to hear that marriage was on his mind. He's the last guy I know to be considering marriage. I've always known him as the guy who didn't like responsibilities or attatchements and he was very immature. Plus he's only 20. But like I said, I guess he must have grown up and I just didn't notice it.

I use to think that it was only girls who thought about marriage, at least at my age but I know a couple of guys who's goal for the past few years has been to prepare for marriage. I often think how presumptious my friends are. The conversation with my brother went something like this:

Me: so wait, you've seriously been considering the whole marriage thing?
Him: oh marriage always, cuz meetin that special someone is so exciting! wouldn't you like to find "the one" so you can stop looking and you can totally ...relax with that person?
Me: but who's to say that there is "the one" out there for me?
Him: yeah I know, but we can think about it, I don't think God would be so cruel to make me live a life of solitude and I got 0 for the solitude gift on the test
Me: it's only cruel if you think that not getting married is the most horrible thing in the world and God's not cruel! What if God didn't intend for you to get married?
Him: that would be so cruel, I'm a lonely boy

Why are we so afraid to be alone? I hear people say that time is running out, if they don't find a guy or girl soon, it might be too late! If they aren't married by the time they're 30, they'll never get married. When I hear this, often time something boils up inside of me and I almost get defensive. I don't know why since I'm not 30 and single but what if I was?! Is that so horrible? What if I was 30 and single? Would that mean there's something wrong with me?! I know lots of people who are past 30 and single. I know people who are past 40 and single. They seem like great people to me! I don't see any extra toes! Why must we presume such things and set a time limit? It's almost dangerous to do so! To have to make such huge decisions and commitments with a time constraint. What if that person really isn't the ONE (if there is such a thing but that's another story) but since you're "running out of time", you think they must be because you can't wait any longer? Or you haven't found the one who complements you but since time is almost up, you just grab any old joe or jane you meet.

I know so many people who have the same plan. I call this the "Before 30 Plan". They're gonna find someone, date 1 or 2 years, get married, wait a year or so and then have kids, all before 30. I know because I once had this same plan. I remember having this conversation with my friend back in high school as we were sitting at the bus stop. We both had this same plan for our future. Of course, I added "only if it's God's will", but at that time, I desperately prayed that it would be. It was a good plan! And the people who know me best, know that I'm almost a control freak. I need things to be planned and organized. I go crazy if things aren't planned out but in my years of planning and organizing my life, I've learned that nothing ever goes according to plan, nothing! As much control as we think we have over our lives, we really don't. We make up this perfect plan for our lives and when it doesn't work out (when, not if), we blame God. We say he's cruel, that he wants us to have crappy lives. Well that's crap! (pardon my language). I don't know what God has instored for me but I know I won't be miserable. God loves me and wants nothing more than for his children to be happy. God knows what our desires are and if we delight ourself in the LORD, he will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). This verse is followed by, "Commit your way to the LORD ; trust in him and he will do this." How awesome is that?! God will give us the desires of our heart!

I know I said before that deep down, what I really want is for someone to care, love and cherish me. So who knows, maybe a few years from now, I will realize that the care and love from my heavenly Father is all I need to satisfy my soul. Or maybe He will say, "Yes, I am enough but I want to give you someone who will also love and cherish you like me." and maybe He won't give me that someone until I'm 50 or maybe I'll meet him next month (yikes!!). Who knows?! Only God does. I'm not willing to settle for someone just because times a-wasting and my plan requires that I have someone now. I'm going to follow God's plan. I'm pretty sure God's plan is better than mine.

So I end with this.

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that
city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not
even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that
appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it
is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." (James 4:13-15)