Day 67 - no stress

I'm at work, typing up my past month's blog. As I'm reading my past thoughts, new thoughts are coming to mind. I just read the part about not wanting to be too comfortable here in Calgary because it will be hard to let go when I have to leave. I didn't want to get too close to people or attached to things because my stay here isn't permanent. I guess I forgot about that. Aside from living at Sandi and Dave's, I have found myself perfectly adjusted and comfortable living here. I've met a lot of great friends, found a great church, have a reasonably easy and laid-back job and I just love the mountains and lakes!  The only thing missing is living in my own place and having a car!  I know that the only thing I really miss about home is my friends and family and my car.  I honestly wouldn't mind staying here in Calgary (although I might regret this when winter comes and I freeze to death).

Just thinking about going home sends a shiver up my spine. Not because I don't want to see my family & friends, but I had forgotten about all the stress, pressure and responsibilities that are waiting for me when I get back! The second I get home, I have work to do. I already feel like CCF preparation is falling behind. It could just be because I'm not there at the meetings so I don't know the whole story. But then I have to plan the Cantonese ministry and I really want to have everything all ready to go when school starts. Man, just thinking about it is stressing me out!

I have no stress here in Calgary, I don't have to worry about school, CCF or church! Over here, people are taking care of me. I don't have to plan or run anything.  I just show up!  It feels so good not having to worry about what's happening or if things are going well.  Of course this is because these people know what they're doing. If some disorganize person was taking care of me, I'd go nuts!

I know I'm the one who puts all this stress and responsibility on myself.  A part of me really wants to go home so I can get things done but the other part wants to stay and play.  I guess it comes down to what I was saying the other day. God has given me a task, I can choose to go home and accomplish the task or once again prove how much of a failure I am when it comes to obeying God and not go home.