Day 68 - where do you draw the lines?

Today, I heard a story about a girl who, a few months ago set a standard for her relationship with her boyfriend, that she would not move in with him unless they were married. Next month, she will be moving in with her boyfriend. What changed her mind so quickly???  I have no idea. I don't know this girl but it's funny how people change for the one they love or at least like a lot.  I've witness this personally. I've never been in a relationship but I have plenty of friends who are or were. Through their joys and pains, and sharing with me their feelings, I often feel like I have been in relationships! Many of my friends become a totally different person once they are in a relationship (guys and girls alike). The sad thing is that sometimes, people change for the worst.

This got me thinking about what kind of person I would be if I was to be in a relationship.  Would I become very obsessive and clingy over my boyfriend like my friends became? Would I only want to be with my boyfriend and talk to him constantly, choosing him over my friends and family?  Would our lives be so entwined that we lived as one person? No way!!  oh God, at least I pray I won't.  To me, dating or courtship or whatever you want to call it should work towards marriage. It's that period of time where you find out if the other person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. But that doesn't mean you have to spend every second of every moment together. I just think it's so important that you still have your own life because it's only in marriage that the two lives become one. Until you're married, you're still two separate lives. Of course that whole courtship period should work towards slowly bringing the two lives together so that when you're married, the two lives will merge and not collide. I would go crazy if my boyfriend was on my back every second, wondering what I'm doing or where I was going or what I was thinking and I know I would drive him crazy if I was the same to him. I mean, I  believe it's important to share your thoughts and feelings and spend time with each other so that you truly know and understand one another. Hmm. But where do you draw the line between spending too much time and not spending enough time together? 

This led me to another thought. I know some girls who wish they just had a guy friend who would listen to their problems, be a shoulder to cry on, to care for her but simply be a friend and not a boyfriend who can hurt her, they want a boyfriend substitute. Guys want a similar friend. A girl who will hang out with him but not nag and control him like a girlfriend might, a girl who will give him advice about girls and listen to his problems and care about him but just as a friend. He wants a girlfriend substitute. Of course I've seen this plan backfire. By becoming close friends and sharing your inner thoughts and feelings with each other, usually one person ends up falling for the other or they both do because they've developed this bond where no one else in the world knows and understand them but each other. But they don't want to ruin the friendship by "going out" so they deny their feelings or harbour it deep inside or they try to be mean to their friend hoping to get rid of these feelings. But all this just leads to misery and pain. Why? Well, my theory is that boy and girl were never meant to be intimate with their thoughts and feelings and simply remain regular friends. This kind of intimacy is meant for the married couple who don't have to deny the bond and feelings between them. You can't want this kind of closeness with the opposite sex but then not want the commitment that comes with it. So is the lesson not to get too close to your guy friends then??

Hmm. But then I'm thinking that there's lots of instances where guys and girls can support each other as regular friends. A good majority of my friends are guys! Because, if you don't share with each other then you might lose out on helping a good friend or learning from your friend. I wouldn't be a good friend, if a guy friend wanted to share with me his struggle but I refuse to listen or share with him my own experiences just because he's a guy and I don't want to get too close. So where do you draw the line?  
  
I need to think about these some more...