Day 84-86: set my mind on things above

On Saturday, I went over to the Bow River and found myself a nice rock to sit, read and watch the rafters float by. Then I returned to my basement and watched tv the entire night. Although, throughout the whole day I kept thinking maybe I should have gone camping for the weekend. To be up in the mountains, in the peace, calm and beauty of it all, away from distractions, just me, my thoughts and God. I wanted to spend some quiet time with God, to bring to him my troubles and struggles, to hear him speak and so I could sort out the past week's stress and gather my thoughts. But something in my head kept saying no.

However, at the end of the night after 5 hours of tv, I felt pretty good. TV totally took my mind off everything, I just sat there mindlessly, not thinking about anything. Just me and good old television. Perhaps, if I had gone camping, I'd have spent the whole time thinking about my stress and that wouldn't have been good. Of course, I'm simply just delaying the inevitable. I'm going to have to deal with it sooner or later and later will probably make it worse. Sigh. I don't want to do all this but God has placed this burden on my heart and it's so strong that I can't ignore it. Well, maybe I can ignore it for a couple of days...

On Sunday, during worship, I felt the Lord's comfort. The pianist was playing the intro to a song and the worship leader was speaking. He was saying how many times in life, we don't know what's ahead of us, where we're going or what we're doing but we sometimes just need to take that leap of faith and trust God. These words weren't new to me, so maybe it was the fact that I was hearing it from someone other than myself or maybe it was the mix of piano and soft beat of the drums that were playing with my emotions but I was suddenly filled with a sense of peace and the heaviness in my heart was lifted. As we began to sing the song, I almost cried. I had to fight hard to hold back the tears. Tears of joy and relief. The pain I had been feeling just suddenly disappeared.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in his wonderful face,
And the things of earth, will grow strangely dim,
In the light of his glory and grace.

It's a short and simple song but God's most powerful lessons usually are. All this time, I was worried about what laid ahead of me, all the things that I had to do stressed me out. But the problem was that I was only looking to myself and other people, I wasn't looking to God. My focus shifted from serving God to simply getting things done. I was looking ahead instead of looking up. It was so comforting to be reminded that in the face of all the chaos, darkness, and troubles of this world, where we're all just lost and wondering, Jesus is the bright shinning light that will guide and lead us home. At my lowest point, I reached up and cried for help and my heavenly Father scooped me up in his loving arms and held me close. I once again felt safe and comforted. To know that he is the one who holds tomorrow and also the one who holds my hand gives me new strength to keep going.

I spent the rest of Sunday and all of Monday at a friend's house, playing games. Card games, board games and video games! It was really fun and it was good times spent with new friends! Playing fun, mindless games all weekend totally kept me from thinking about anything, which is what I really needed. So, now that the sunken feeling has been lifted and I've had a few days to clear my head, I can concentrate on the tasks at hand.

Okay, so set my mind on things above, look to Jesus, set my mind on things above...