Day 96 - the expected blog

All I did was work today. I went into the office and started working right away. I didn't even check my email until lunch. It's kinda annoying that I've been here for almost 4 months and I haven't had much work to do until now, 2 weeks before I leave. Well actually, I only had a half day today, Dot came by the office so I left work early with her. I'm so bad. Dot had a bbq at her house and she kept true to her reputation. She always has excellent food and there's always lots left over! I'm so stuffed...I don't think I can sleep tonite...

I met some new people tonight and I'm still awed by how easily it is for a group of chinese christians to get along and be comfortable in each other's presence, when we've only just met. We talked about lots of things. I'm starting to notice that I talk about my sisters a lot. I don't remember what I've said but I think I've mostly been complaining about my sisters. I hope I don't make my sisters sound like bad people. It seems once I start talking about my sisters, a whole conversation about sibling interaction and relationships emerges. Everyone starts talking about their brothers and sisters and their childhoods. Tonight was no exception. Now that I think back to that conversation, something is really sticking out in my mind. Everyone at the bbq had siblings except for one woman who is an only child. I remember her saying something along the lines of because she didn't have siblings, she has a really hard time dealing with back lashes from others or something like that. I don't quite remember what she said, but it wasn't what she said that made it stand out but the way she said it, the tone in her voice. I don't know how to describe it, was it sadness? frustration? regret? I don't know... but it felt close to heart somehow... and it makes me think now... how insensitive am I to constantly talk about something she's never had or experienced or could relate to? While everyone around the table was able to tell their own sibling stories, she could only sit and wonder. Perhaps, I'm making presumptions and she has no problem with this, she probably didn't even notice this...or did she? Hmm... Still, I feel really insensitive and I just know I'm going to be thinking about this all night...

While we were eating, the subject of blogging came up, specifically, my blog to be exact. It appears that my friends think I'm really quiet and when they read my blog, they're surprised to find out that I was thinking about all these things and was secretly making mental notes of everything and everyone around me. I was more surprised to hear them say I was quiet (haha, now that I know they read my blog, I bet they're saying right now, oh, that's what she was thinking about tonight!). I've been called lots of things, but never quiet. Hmm. So my friends here think I'm queit...which must mean it's true...so I've become quiet? But how? and when did it start? I can just hear people back home say "Olwen? Quiet?! no way!!". I didn't notice but now that it's been pointed out, I see it. The other day at Olive Gardens, everyone was so quiet except for the doctor and I. I felt I had to keep talking to break all the awkward moments but the whole time it felt weird and I was in a panic trying to keep the conversations going. It was really hard being the initiator of the conversations. What use to come natural to me, suddenly felt new and unchartered. It felt like it wasn't me talking. I can't believe it felt weird to talk. Have I really changed since I've been in Calgary? Probably. But it's probably because of my new surroundings. I've been hanging out with people who love to share and talk and it's been so great and refreshing!

Probably when I get home, I'll be back to my loud self but perhaps with discretion now. I've realized I can learn and notice so much more when I'm just quiet and observe what's going on around me. It's interesting to observe people. I've never been good at following conversations but I like watching the way people talk, how they sit or walk or stand or act. It's the way people present themselves that makes the lasting impression on me. I think you can tell a lot about a person based on how they act. There's so much more truth about a person in that then the things they say. Words can be manipulated or controlled to suit. But the way people act or the expressions they make is very often subconcious or uncontrolled. Most people don't know or notice how they act. I have no idea what I'm like when I'm engaged in a conversation, I'm too distracted. Haha, maybe I've been so busy listening that I didn't even notice I was being quiet. Ah, I'm making too big a deal about this whole quiet thing. I've taken one little thing that people said and jumped off a diving board with it. I realize I do that a lot. I take one little thing people say and take off in a tangent with it. I should stop.

I should stop writing too. Linus, said the other day that my blogs are long...well i have a lot to write! but it's 2AM already...ugh...I'm so full....I can't sleep....